Life gets hard.

Hey everyone. I don’t typically post super personal stuff on here, but I feel the need to vent a bit. So about a month ago I decided to start a website. I’ve always felt like I was limiting my creative side, because it has been drilled into me to focus on a “stable career” which is why I chose accounting. I’ve always been a good student, and pretty great at Math(and I love organization) but I’ve always loved art, and especially writing. Writing and planning have been an outlet for me for a long time, and I felt the need to share this with the world. I was so full of ideas, that I wouldn’t sleep at night, and I would stay up all night creating and brainstorming any and everything. The Happy Planner has been an outlet for me for about 2 years now as well. So what better way to start, than to start showing the world my creative planning side! I had no idea there was this huge community of lovely planner people just waiting to be discovered!
Anyway, so even though I already had a lot going on with my higher education goals, a full time job, being a relatively newlywed, and general life I decided to add on something else that I felt would make me truly happy. And I was! My husband would come home and tell me how I’ve recently been so much more bubbly and happy like I was when we met, before I let little things in life weigh me down. I would spurt at the mouth anytime someone asked me about my Happy Planner or my website, even though the latter was in the beginning stages.
On April 27th my entire would was flipped upside down. This was my Grandma’s birthday, and we had the best time the night before cooking dinner and playing games. I knew I was going to be super busy that weekend so we celebrated a day early, so that my husband could participate. When I checked my Instagram that morning, The Happy Planner was looking for a squad! I was so excited. I thought, Wow! It’s almost meant to be! Perfect timing! I was planning on driving to Clayton that day for a well planned shopping trip to @maurices because I wanted to showcase their styles, which I adore more than any other clothing store, on the proposed fashion and beauty side of my blog. I also had found out that I had an interview on Monday at a local accounting firm, which I didn’t really want to take because I was actually starting to feel very comfortable at my current workplace, but felt so honored for the opportunity! So needless to say I was completely elated! I spent hours in Clayton, picking out the perfect pieces, talking with the ladies who worked there, and just having one of the best days. I was so into life at that moment that I didn’t check my phone.
Upon leaving, I finally looked at my phone as it was on its last leg battery wise. I had missed like 20 calls, Facebook messages, and texts. My grandpa had fallen off of a ladder and had to be rushed to the Emergency room. When he arrived, I was told he had broken his hip, pelvis and part of his back. My grandma doesn’t drive and had to wait at home since she could not go with him to the ER. Due to the extensive injury he occurred, he had to be transported that night to Vidant medical facility in Greenville, a little less than an hour away. I was back and forth on the phone trying to figure everything out, and luckily that weekend my aunt who leaves quite a distance away was able to transport my grandma back and forth to see him. She doesn’t drive, and has severe arthritis so she wasn’t able to stay by herself. I had finals all that weekend, so we decided it was best for me to take care of school and everything else, and my aunt would stay with her for the weekend. Needless to say this is where the stress started.
Flash forward to the following week, I was going back and forth, and trying to get my life together as much as possible. The late nights of creativity and motivation turned into desperate hours of trying to get things done. My grandpa was stable, but being an hour away from his wife was not helping anything and I could only be off of work so much, on top of starting my new semester, and some other familial issues that really stressed me out. We found out he would be going home, which was also stressful, knowing he was unable to do almost anything by himself, leaving only my grandmother and myself to care for him. There was a lot more to this as well, but better left out because they kept him a few more days which alleviated some of the worries I had begun to accumulate.
On Mother’s Day, I was planning on taking my husband to his Mother’s house, who also lives in Greenville, and my grandma and myself would head to the rehab facility he was currently at. After dropping him off, I started experiencing excruciating pain in my lower abdomen, just below my belly button. I thought they were just cramps and would pass, but they did not. I remember squeezing the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles turned white and my teeth clenched together. When we arrived I tried to put on a happy face, but I ended up in one of the recliners and just tried to close my eyes as the spasms worsened with every second. I honestly felt it would not be safe for me to drive the hour home, so I had my husband leave his parents early to come back and get us. The pain subsided for the most part on the way home, enough to manage the drive back. The spasms of pain would come back and forth, and when I was finally able to go home I flung myself on the bed, hoping some rest would do me some justice. I had already notified work that I would be out, because my Grandpa was coming home on Tuesday and I needed to situate some things with my Grandma, and I had to take apart my twin bed to take over to her house. I awoke in the middle of the night to the same pain, and had to bear through it throughout the night. When I woke up I called my doctor, who had recently changed doctor’s offices. I spent the better part of the day going back and forth trying to get in touch with them, while trying to move furniture only to be told later that day that the VA would be providing a hospital bed for my grandfather. This was good news, but now my house was in chaos and my grandmother was worn out from trying to move everything around. The pain would alleviate then worsen, and that night I was truly exhausted.
Tuesday morning came, and I called my doctor who let me come in only if I was able to be there in 15 minutes. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, jumped in the car and headed over. They did a pregnancy test and a UTI test, both coming back negative. They pulled blood, and said when it comes back tomorrow they would see about doing an ultrasound. I didn’t have time to argue anything, I had to get to Greenville to pick up my Grandpa. I finally got out there, and was pulled all over the hospital trying to find him, clenching my stomach in my hands. When we finally got to him I had to gather all of his things, and get him in the car. I could tell he was in a lot of pain, and we still had to go pick up his walker. We finally got back to the house, and we painfully got him to a chair while the technician set up his hospital bed. I spent the rest of the day driving back and forth to La Grange where they live, pharmacies, and Walmart to pick up things they needed- setting them up. It was after 10 when we finally got his pain medicine into him, and on the drive home I was so exhausted. I knew I needed to go into work the next morning, because I already missed quite a bit with him being hurt. I was in pain all night, the spasms increasing throughout the night. My little dog had jumped off the bed when I woke him from my moving, and jumped back on, directly onto my stomach. I screamed in pain, waking my husband. He was worried I would have to go to the hospital, but I knew I didn’t want to sit in the ER all night, and had to work the next morning. I assured him I would just wait for the doctor’s call the next day.
Wednesday morning, I pulled myself to work. I tried to avoid eye contact with my coworkers, not wanting anyone to see how much pain I was in, or how tired I was. I knew the puffy bags under my eyes would give me away. I managed a couple of hours of work like this, until my boss came in and perkily asked me how my grandpa was doing… I could only muster out a “good” and she knew something was wrong. She walked over to my desk and my eyes were welling up with tears. She walked me to her office and asked me what was going on and I just started bawling, telling her how much pain I was in and how I was waiting for my doctor. She assured me to not worry about work, and told me I needed to go to the doctor ASAP, and if nothing was done to immediately go to the ER. She offered to drive me, but I didn’t want to be without my car due to my grandparents inability to drive at the moment.
When I got to my doctor, he basically told me he wasn’t going to do anything for me because my blood test was fine and I needed to go to the ER if I was “really in that much pain.” Walking back to my car I called my husband, who was livid. He told me to go to the ER, and he would handle the doctor. I was crying again, because I had no desire to go there because in the past they had done nothing for stomach pain, and left me with a huge bill. I had no choice. I shakily entered the ER, at this point feeling like I was going to pass out from the pain, exhaustion, and stress. After being there for several hours, and an extremely painful ultrasound, it was found that I had a complex ovarian cyst located on my left ovary. The sweet doctor filled me up with pain medicine, and scheduled me an appointment for two weeks later at an OBGYN. He said they would typically operate, but with my age they would hope it would go away on its own and just try and rest. My boss picked me up from the ER, and I slept the rest of the day away. The pain was much more manageable under the influence of Hydrocodone, but I knew the next morning I could not take any if I wanted to get myself to work for at least a few hours, and manage all of the things I needed to accomplish in regards to my grandparents. I was finally able to get home around 4:30pm, and took another pill to alleviate some of the burning pain that had begun to worsen throughout the day. I was able to eat something, but slept the rest of the day, only to wake up a few hours ago. I feel pretty groggy at the moment, but I know that I have so much to do that can not be accomplished while under the influence. I started writing this because I just had to get everything out before I started.
It’s amazing how life can be so hopeful, and then to come to an immediate halt so quickly. The last day for Happy Squad submissions is today, since it’s currently the middle of the night, and I refuse to let this opportunity pass by without trying my best. I have a ton of homework to get caught up on, with tests due this week, and my husband had made so many plans this month that we have already started putting deposits on. However, your body doesn’t care what’s important to your mind. You can only push yourself so far before it just completely gives out, and I definitely see that. I’ve always been one to wear my stress around my stomach, and this is no exception. I feel like I’ve been so behind on life, my house is a mess, laundry piled up, so many things I’ve been unable to accomplish, and I just need to tell myself that it is going to be okay. I’m not writing this for pity, I’m not writing this for words of encouragement, I’m writing to let myself be reminded of what a warrior I am, and that I can do anything I set my mind to, no matter the obstacles life throws at me. At that, I will finish- I have a lot to do, and getting everything out has given me the much needed motivation to finish the goals I have worked so hard on.
Things to be grateful for:
•A working vehicle, that has been so reliable for all these recent endeavors.
•A husband who cares about me so much, who advocates for me when I am unable to stand up for myself.
•A grandmother, who despite her own pain and stress, doesn’t want to add any more to mine if she can help it.
•A sweet little dog, who lays with me through the pain and knows when something is wrong
•Health Insurance
•Am understanding boss who despite her own current health situations makes sure I know that health and family come first
•A comfortable bed
•Money to buy Happy Planner supplies, which has been a light in my life currently
•All of the opportunities I have been given recently.

3 thoughts on “Life gets hard.

  1. Awww! Your life really did turn around on one day! I think you are right, that perhaps you wear your stress around your stomach. Not saying this will heal you, but maybe to relieve or stop adding to the stress in the stomach, try to breath deeply, walk, or something relaxing. Plan! Decorate your planner. Anything! Stress is so destructive. I know. And you’re right, sometimes our bodies support us 1000%. In my case, I realize that I never let it recuperate, which is why it feels like it is no longer cooperating. It’s not that it doesn’t want to, but it can’t. So try to take good care of yourself, despite everything that is going on!


  2. Ugh! I am so sorry that you had to endure all of this–not just the issues with your grandfather, but also your own health issues, and the almost laughably stereotypical arrogant, unempathetic doctors.

    (I should tell you, that many years ago I too had an ovarian cyst and ended up in the ER a couple of times. I was 13 and terrified.)

    Praying you make a full recovery…


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